So, last night I went to a support group. A real life, honest to goodness support group. Not because I was going to support a friend or doing some outreach work for my job but instead just for me because I needed to. It's been three months since we lost our baby and I'm still really, really sad about it. I thought by now I would be "all better" but I'm just simply not. I've been through lots of hard things in life and I thought that this would just be one more that I would overcome and hopefully see some good. But, while I have been blessed to see some of God's sweet redemption, I'm a long way from healed. So, being the practical thinker, I knew it was time to take some action steps to help me through the process of healing. I delivered at Presbyterian Dallas and from the beginning, they have invited us to this group with people just like us to get support and encouragement. I was such a snob about it knowing the stigmas around support groups and thinking that I would never need something like that. I couldn't get the whole "Hello my name is so and so and I'm an alcoholic" picture out of my head. But God in His faithfulness has taught me humility and is teaching me to be honest with myself and with those around me. And so I went. On my own. And what a blessing it was to be in a room with women just like me. Who have faced a loss like mine. Who have gone through painful labor and delivery followed by the horror of not having a baby in your arms to show for it- 18 hours for me. Who grieve for what they have lost and for what the future was going to be like with that precious baby. Who fear the future and are terrified that it would happen again. Who struggle with their husbands because men don't grieve like we do and we don't understand that. Women who still wake up some mornings in that state of sleepiness and just for a moment, think they are still pregnant. Who have to tell themselves daily that God is in control and in Him and only in Him, there is hope.
My prayer and plea with God has been to use this to bring glory to his name. That somehow, somewhere, someone will be blessed and ministered to because of this. And that my heartache will not be in vain. But most of all, that my little boy's life inside me, while only 5 months long, had purpose and meaning.
And so now I'll continue to take this road because it's the one God chose for us. Maybe sometimes I'll be able to run it. Maybe sometimes I'll walk. But for now, I'll just crawl and I'll rest in knowing that on my knees is where I should be anyways.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
I Got Tagged!
I got tagged by my precious friend Shawna
The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their 8 things) and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
8 Random Facts/Habits/Confessions:
1. I recently became a trainer in a class that teaches people how to effectively listen....really listen. It's really good stuff and it honestly works. Therefore, I am a "trained" (and able to train others) listener.
2. Every morning and night, Derek and I put toothpaste on each other's tooth brushes. If he gets up and gets ready first, then I'll have toothpaste already on my tooth brush ready to go when I get up. It's a little dumb thing but it's actually pretty powerful. It helps us to be thoughtful of each other in the little things. And if we're annoyed or frustrated with each other, we still have to do it even if we don't want to. Try it, you'll like it.
3. I have a bit of an obession with shoes. I love them....a lot. It might be an unhealthy relationship. I have way to many pairs but I still want more. Ironically, I tend to wear one of two black heels just about everyday because they're the most comfortable. However, I like to know that all the other ones in are safely in my closet just in case I need them.
4. When I was little my mom wouldn't let us watch the Smurfs or 3's Company. She thought the living situations in both were not appropriate. And she didn't like the fact that there was only one girl smurf. Why was that anyways?
5. I have a secret desire to be a pro golfer. And if I couldn't do that I would want to be a writer.
6. I teach aerobics- step aerobics and I absolutely love it. I teach pilates and kickboxing too. I teach at least two classes a week but hope to one day get to spend more time teaching!
That's all I can think of right now....
Allie? Jenny? Your turn!
The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their 8 things) and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
8 Random Facts/Habits/Confessions:
1. I recently became a trainer in a class that teaches people how to effectively listen....really listen. It's really good stuff and it honestly works. Therefore, I am a "trained" (and able to train others) listener.
2. Every morning and night, Derek and I put toothpaste on each other's tooth brushes. If he gets up and gets ready first, then I'll have toothpaste already on my tooth brush ready to go when I get up. It's a little dumb thing but it's actually pretty powerful. It helps us to be thoughtful of each other in the little things. And if we're annoyed or frustrated with each other, we still have to do it even if we don't want to. Try it, you'll like it.
3. I have a bit of an obession with shoes. I love them....a lot. It might be an unhealthy relationship. I have way to many pairs but I still want more. Ironically, I tend to wear one of two black heels just about everyday because they're the most comfortable. However, I like to know that all the other ones in are safely in my closet just in case I need them.
4. When I was little my mom wouldn't let us watch the Smurfs or 3's Company. She thought the living situations in both were not appropriate. And she didn't like the fact that there was only one girl smurf. Why was that anyways?
5. I have a secret desire to be a pro golfer. And if I couldn't do that I would want to be a writer.
6. I teach aerobics- step aerobics and I absolutely love it. I teach pilates and kickboxing too. I teach at least two classes a week but hope to one day get to spend more time teaching!
That's all I can think of right now....
Allie? Jenny? Your turn!
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Thankful
So....I've been feeling pretty down in the dumps lately so I thought I should stop and take a few minutes to write some of the things that I'm thankful for. It's definitely therapeutic to stop, look around and acknowledge the simple things in life that make my heart smile. Please share yours too!
1. Sun Dried Tomato and Basil Wheat Thins- They are so good, you have to try them!
2. Hand written cards
3. A really good book- especially when you borrow it from a friend and then you get to talk about it when you return it!
4. Having a car that is paid off (and still runs!)
5. Shoes, and lots of them
6. When kids laugh when they're running
7. The smell of good coffee
8. Friends (and sisters!) who really listen
9. When people laugh so hard they snort
10. Saturday mornings in the fall when it's cool enough to open all the windows- that combined with the smell of a clean house is the best!
11. No line at the grocery store
12. Looking back on journals and getting to see the growth
13. A long shower after a hard workout (and then laying under the ceiling fan in a robe and wet hair)
14. Chips and hot sauce....and homeade tortillas and good queso
15. Being called "Lulu" by my nieces and nephews
16. When my hairdresser massages my head with the green tea shampoo
17. The way babies smell after a bath
18. Decorating for Christmas
19. Running errands with my hubby
20. Going through something really hard and actually getting to see some of the good that comes out of it.
I'll be back for more later!
1. Sun Dried Tomato and Basil Wheat Thins- They are so good, you have to try them!
2. Hand written cards
3. A really good book- especially when you borrow it from a friend and then you get to talk about it when you return it!
4. Having a car that is paid off (and still runs!)
5. Shoes, and lots of them
6. When kids laugh when they're running
7. The smell of good coffee
8. Friends (and sisters!) who really listen
9. When people laugh so hard they snort
10. Saturday mornings in the fall when it's cool enough to open all the windows- that combined with the smell of a clean house is the best!
11. No line at the grocery store
12. Looking back on journals and getting to see the growth
13. A long shower after a hard workout (and then laying under the ceiling fan in a robe and wet hair)
14. Chips and hot sauce....and homeade tortillas and good queso
15. Being called "Lulu" by my nieces and nephews
16. When my hairdresser massages my head with the green tea shampoo
17. The way babies smell after a bath
18. Decorating for Christmas
19. Running errands with my hubby
20. Going through something really hard and actually getting to see some of the good that comes out of it.
I'll be back for more later!
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